To Tell the Truth — BT Yevamot 65b — #134

R. Il'a said in the name of R. Elazar, son of R. Shimon [concerning rebuke]: Just as it is a mitzvah for one to say what will be heeded, so it is a mitzvah for one to not say something that will not be heeded. R. Abba says: it is obligatory [to refrain from speaking if the listener will not heed], as it says, Do not rebuke a scorner lest he hate you; rebuke a wise person and that person will love you (Proverbs 9:8). 

 R. Il'a said in the name of R. Elazar, son of R. Shimon: One is permitted to deviate [from telling the precise truth] in the interest of peace, as it says: Your father [Jacob, before his death] commanded: “So you shall say to Joseph: Please forgive” (Genesis 50:16–17). R. Natan says: It is a mitzvah [to deviate from the truth in order to preserve peace], as it says: And Samuel said, “How can I go? If Saul hears of it, he will kill me” (1 Samuel 16:2). The school of R. Yishmael taught: Great is peace, for even the Holy Blessed One departed [from the truth] for its sake. For first it is written [that Sarah said of Abraham], “My lord [Abraham] is old” (Genesis 18:12), and afterward it is written [that God reported to Abraham that Sarah had said], “And I am old” (Genesis 18:13).

INTRODUCTION

Talmud presents two beautiful teachings of R. Elazar, the son of Shimon bar Yochai, back-to-back. They are conveyed to us by R. Il’a. Both concern tricky issues. The first concerns Torah’s uncomfortable requirement to rebuke someone who has committed a sin: You shall not hate  your kinsfolk in  your heart. Reprove your kin but incur no guilt on their account (Leviticus 19:17). The purpose is to inspire the sinner’s teshuvah (repentance) and a change in behavior. When Torah refers to “kinsfolk” it assumes the sinner is someone close to you—a friend, neighbor, or relative—and that you witnessed the sin. If you do nothing, the person is likely to repeat the sin; you will bear some guilt because you did nothing to prevent it. The second concern revolves around telling the truth. Torah does not demand that we always tell the truth, but we know intuitively that social relationships (not only justice in legal proceedings) depend upon truth-telling. Yet is it always right and kind to tell the truth?

COMMENTARY

When considering rebuke, an important consideration is whether or not the person will heed our reproof. While not always predictable, sometimes it is clear that the person who committed the violation is unprepared to listen. In such a case, rebuke accomplishes little, and risks damaging our relationship. We are not obligated to tilt at windmills. R. Abba goes further than R. Il'a. As he reads Proverbs 9:8, we may not reprove in cases where the likely outcome will only be animus. 

Il’a’s second concern is lying and shading the truth. While we would be hard-pressed to find anyone who is 100% truthful 100% of the time, we generally consider intentional lying willful deceit and outright dishonesty as sinful. R. Il'a asserts that lying is permissible, however, in the interest of peace, and supplies a textual example: When Jacob dies, Joseph’s brothers, fearing he will seek revenge against them, tell Joseph that prior to his death, Jacob requested that Joseph forgive them. By this outright lie; the brothers hope to shield themselves from physical harm. R. Natan ramps it up a notch, claiming it is not merely permissible, but a mitzvah to lie in the interest of peace. He, too, supplies an example from Scripture. Disgusted with Saul, God sends the prophet Samuel to anoint David king of Israel while Saul is yet alive and reigning as king. If Saul were to get wind of Samuel’s mission, he would surely kill Samuel to prevent David’s anointment. God proposes to Samuel a lie that serves as plausible deniability to protect himself, as the remainder of the verse cited makes clear: Adonai answered, “Take a heifer with you, and say, ‘I have come to sacrifice to Adonai. The School of R. Yishmael turns up the burner to high, claiming that even God lies to preserve peace. Their example is drawn from Genesis 18. Three strangers inform Abraham that Sarah will conceive and bear him a son. Sarah, eavesdropping, laughs at what sounds like a preposterous idea. Sarah laughed to herself, saying, “Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment—with my husband so old?” (Genesis 18:12). She finds it humorously unfathomable that she should conceive at 90 or that Abraham—at age 100—should have the potency to impregnate her. God conveys this to Abraham, but does not report Sarah’s words accurately because doing so would hurt or insult Abraham. Instead, God tells Abraham that Sarah’s skepticism centers on her own advanced age and fertility, not Abraham’s potency. The School of Ishmael thus maximizes the extent of lying permitted in the interest of peace: even God does it!

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER AND DISCUSS

1. Have you ever rebuked someone? Did it feel risky? How did it turn out?
2. The first two examples of lying in the interest of peace are understandable: people are at risk of physical harm (e.g., Samuel). Notice that God is not involved in the first, but suggests the second. The third example, however, is quite different. God hears Sarah laugh (Genesis 18:12) but there is no indication that Abraham hears her. Therefore, there is no necessity for God to raise with Abraham the issue of Sarah’s laughing nor her concern about age—either Abraham’s or her own. Was God’s intervention here truly in the interest of peace, or to cover God’s mistake in revealing what Sarah had overheard and how she had reacted? Have you ever said too much and felt the need to lie to cover it up? Was your lie justifiable? 
3. In the midrash Sifra (89a-89b), R. Elazar b. Azariah comments, “In this generation there is no one capable of receiving rebuke.” R. Akiba answers him, “In this generation there is no one who knows how to deliver a rebuke.” Do these observations pertain to our time? How should we phrase rebuke? How should we receive it?