R. Ile’a said in the name of R. Elazar b. R. Shimon: It is permitted for a person to deviate from the truth in the interest of peace, as it says, [Before his death,] your father [Jacob] left this instruction: “So shall you say to Joseph, ‘Forgive, I urge you, [the offense and guilt of your brothers who treated you so harshly].’” (Genesis 50:16-17)
R. Natan said: It is a mitzvah [to deviate from the truth for the sake of peace], as it says, Samuel said, “How can I go, and Saul will hear and kill me?” (1 Samuel 16:2)
It was taught in the School of R. Yishmael: Great is peace, for even the Holy Blessed One departed [from the truth] for it. For initially it is written [that Sarah said of Abraham], “And my lord is old” (Genesis 18:12) and in the end it is written [that God told Abraham that Sarah said,] “And I am old” (Genesis 18:3). (BT Yevamot 65b)
INTRODUCTION
Most people claim to admire honest people and revile liars—except when they feel the need to conceal or shade the truth. The Talmud (BT Pesachim 113b) opines that God despises hypocrites whose utterances are completely different from what they feel in their hearts. Yet how many of us have uttered words that conflicted with what we thought because we believed this was the right and kind thing to do? And how often are children exhorted to always tell the truth, but then severely criticized for candidly expressing a negative opinion about someone in response to an inquiry?
The Rabbis record a famous disagreement in BT Ketubot 17 between Bet Hillel (B”H) and Bet Shammai (B”S) concerning the question: How does one praise a bride? B”S says: we praise the bride as she is (that is, saying only what is absolutely true). B”H says: We say that she is beautiful and graceful. B”S asks in response: Would you say she is beautiful and graceful even if she were obviously lacking both attributes? After all, Torah says, Distance yourself from a false matter (Exodus 23:7). B”H reminds B”S that beauty, like value, is subjective, while empathy toward others is an overriding principle. This, B”H maintains, is just the sort of occasion when kindness is more important than precision.
COMMENTARY
R. Ile’a learned from his master, R. Elazar b. R. Shimon, that there are occasions when insuring commity between people takes priority even over the truth. R. Ile’a supplies us with a fine example, straight from the tangled story of Jacob’s sons’ thorny relationships. In the last chapter of Genesis, we read that when Jacob dies, Joseph’s brothers become frightened and anxious, lest Joseph seek revenge against them for having sold him to Midianites-Ishmaelites. In an attempt to avert vengeance, they send Joseph a message saying that their father, Jacob, before he died, expressed his desire for Joseph to forgive his brothers. Jacob never said this. R. Elazar b. R. Shimon taught that because the lie was told to effect peace and reconciliation, it was an acceptable deviation from the truth. Talmud then offers two additional examples drawn from Hebrew Scripture.
The Book of 1 Samuel recounts that after God decides to withdraw the crown from Saul, God sends the prophet to anoint a son of Jesse the king of Israel in place of Saul. Samuel is afraid that Saul’s soldiers will learn of his mission and kill him. God instructs Samuel to engage in a ruse: he should take a heifer with him so that if Saul’s men stop him, he can say that he has come to offer a sacrifice to God. God not only countenances the lie—God fashions it.
In a third example, the School of R. Ishmael teaches that not only may a person deviate from the truth for the sake of peace, but even God tells a lie to keep peace between Sarah and Abraham. Sarah, overhearing the visitors who tell Abraham that he and Sarah will become the biological parents of a child, questions whether she will again know enjoyment “with my husband so old” (Genesis 18:12). When God recounts the incident to Abraham, however, God tells him that Sarah spoke about herself, saying, “Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?” (Genesis 18:13)
QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER AND DISCUSS
- Is deviating from the truth equivalent to telling an outright blistering lie? How are they similar? Where do they differ? Erich Fromm wrote that there exist gradations of truth that relate to functional approximations of reality. Does this help us make sense of the Talmud’s teaching, or muddy the moral waters?
- The British mathematician and philosopher Alfred North Whitehead warned against the presumption that one has a lock on truth. He said, “There are no whole truths; all truths are half-truths. It is trying to treat them as whole truths that plays the devil.” How do our ever-changing knowledge and the challenge of interpreting what others say contribute to problem?
“The truth is an awful weapon of aggression.
It is possible to lie, and even to murder, with the truth!”
— Alfred Adler
- The Rabbis have supplied us with three examples of deviating from the truth for the sake of peace: to foster peace and reconciliation and avoid vengeance; to prevent murder; to keep peace in a marriage. Of the Talmud’s three examples: the first two are told by people; God tells the third. Lives may be saved by the first two lies, but not by the third. Why do you think these examples are ordered as they are? Consider the nature and order of the three examples of acceptable deviations from the truth, as well as physician and psychotherapist Alfred Adler’s observation in light of each one.
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