Is Lying a Sin or a Mitzvah?—Yebamot 65b—#19

R. Ilai stated in the name of R. Eleazar b. R. Shimon: One is permitted to deviate from the truth for the sake of peace, as it is said, Your father left this instruction, etc., and, Thus shall you say to Joseph: “Forgive, I pray you, etc. (Genesis 50:15-17).

R. Natan says: It is a mitzvah [to deviate from the truth for the sake of peace], as it is said, But Samuel said, “How can I go? If Saul hears it, he will kill me”, etc. (I Samuel 16:2).

In the academy of R. Yishmael it was taught: Great is the cause of peace, for even the Holy One Blessed be God, deviated from the truth for the sake of peace, for initially it says, “My husband is old” and after that it is written, “old as I am” (Genesis 18:12-13).

INTRODUCTION
When Parson Weems published a biography of George Washington in 1809, he invented the myth of the cherry tree little George was supposedly lopped off with a hatchet. When confronted by his father, little George nobly replies, “I cannot tell a lie,” and admits his deed. Weems wanted to teach the importance of honesty. He couldn’t point to the Bible because telling the truth is not one of the Ten Commandments. Did you ever wonder why? Certainly trusting relationships are paramount to an individual’s mental health, a family’s well being, and a society’s healthy functioning—and it’s hard to imagine trust without honesty. Yet the Rabbis can. They can envision a situation—and you probably can, too—when telling the truth would be needlessly hurtful and therefore wrong.

COMMENTARY
R. Ilai tells us that to promote or preserve peace it is permitted to deviate from the truth. He provides an example in shorthand, quoting only tidbits of the relevant verses. Here is he full passage he has in mind (with the words R. Ilai quotes in boldface):
When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said “What if Joseph still bears a grudge against us and pays us back for all the wrong that we did him!” So they sent this message to Joseph, “Your father left this instruction before he died: Thus shall you say to Joseph, ‘Forgive, I urge you, the offense and guilt of your brothers who treated you so harshly’ Therefore, please forgive the offense of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph was in tears as they spoke to him. (Genesis 50:15-17)
After Jacob dies, Joseph’s brothers fear that he will seek revenge for their having sold him into slavery and all the misery that he suffered as a result, so they concoct a story—a bald-faced lie—that their dying father left but one request, namely, that Joseph should forgive them. The result of their lie is that the brothers are peacefully reconciled with Joseph.

The truth is rarely pure and never simple. (Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest)

R. Natan goes further. Not only is it permissible to lie for the sake of truth, but it is mandatory. He, too, provides an example: God sends the prophet Samuel to Bethlehem to anoint one of Jesse’s sons to succeed Saul as king of Israel. God designs a deception so no one will guess the true purpose of his mission, which would put both Samuel and the chosen son in danger. God tells Samuel to bring a heifer and say that he has come to offer a sacrifice to God. Hence, R. Natan reasons, God employs deception for the sake of peace. One could claim, however, that R. Natan’s example of God’s supposed lie is weak. It’s a partial truth: Samuel uses the heifer to imply that the sacrifice is his sole reason for coming to Bethlehem. R. Natan’s example does not quite prove that God ordains lying under some circumstances.

The academy of R. Yishmael closes this gap with a marvelous story.  In Genesis, Abraham is visited by three emissaries of God who tell him that 90-year-old Sarah will give birth to a child. Sarah, eavesdropping, laughs when she hears this and says, “Now that I am withered, am I to have enjoyment—with my husband so old?” God reports her words to 100-year-old Abraham as, “Shall I in truth bear a child, old as I am?” Sarah expresses incredulity based on Abraham’s age and condition, but God says Sarah laughed at the thought that she could bear a child at the age of 90. Here is an ironclad proof that God would lie to protect the peace between husband and wife.

“Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.” (Mark Twain, Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World)

Gemara cannot promulgate a detailed rule concerning when it is permissible and desirable to lie. It can only establish the principle that peace is a greater good and when the two are in serious conflict, peace is to be given priority. The Rabbis trust that people of good will exercise careful judgment.

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER AND DISCUSS

1. Have you ever shaded the truth or lied in order to avoid hurting someone’s feelings or causing a rift in a relationship, or in order to mend an acrimonious relationship? If you had it to do over again, would you say the same thing? Would you choose different words?
2. R. Natan seems to be suggesting that in cases that warrant concealing the truth, we aim for the least dishonesty possible, such as shading the truth, or omitting some point of information. Is this differing from lying? Is it preferable in your mind?
3. In another tractate of Talmud (Baba Metzia 23b-24a) Rav Yehuda teaches in the name of Shmuel that learned people conceal the truth in three matters, which are understood to be {1} for the sake of humility (to avoid bragging), {2} privacy (to avoid revealing intimate information about people), and {3} finances (to avoid burdening someone with houseguests, since hospitality is so highly prized, the host could not say not to requests). Can you think of other matters that warrant hedging the truth?